2010-05-13T00:55:00.004+08:00

i think you called just now.. maybe it wasnt..
somehow i thought every unknown call was yours..
goodnight..

2010-04-26T04:29:00.002+08:00

i had a sweet dream about you..
we went out with some friends
we had to leave you said you were going to kallang
i said to send you
you said you had alot of counsellors in your school

Siloso

2009-12-31T05:17:00.006+08:00

It's been a long tiresome year.
i'd say.. my holidays are good. working.. experiencing life and stuff.

just some things i wna say to my friends..

To bev;
life has been awesome, crazy ever since i got into contact with you again.
you're so obsessed with partying. man, even i cant keep up with you. the hyper,chaotic little girl
you never fail to surprise me with the plans you have.
but she's leaving soon. i'll miss you bad. honestly..
you're fucking steady friend.
i hope we can spend more time together..
the month and the 18 days.
your departure never fails to impact me. Anna, larry and many more.
lets enjoy the countdown tonight as we did. well,
you said you would spend every countdown with me
i'll never forget how i met you in track and field, how it all started
I love you, beverly g.

to weide;

you have never failed to lend me a listening ear.. always afraid that i will turn angry when im not gna..
i know my short temper affects you alot..
like miscommunication and stuff.
but you are always available for me.
and im grateful for that
you're very sensible, at times you like to nag at me for stuff that you know i need help with.
or should i say, try?
hahah, you're always trying before i become grumpy.
LOL.
its so cute. your okokokok. chill
standard.
never changes.
until recently i turned it on you.
you still use it.
but much less {:
nice bickering with you.
though its only a short time
but i realise its me asking you out most of the time when im bored etc.
but its like you ignore me or stay at home otherwise.
ha. typical you.
whatever. :]
anyway its great i got you as a friend which i think, would last
if you can tolerate me
gee.
CWD you owe me my movies okay.
ilu bud ;}

to drey;
my best sister.
you been busy with rxrxrxrxrxrxrxrxrxrxrxrx
damn you lah
im jealous
i always fail to snatch you from him.
you're in beijing now man. i cant imagine you wrapped up like a dumpling
when you wear skimpy clothes. normally x)
but girl, i'll never forget the times you waited, and tried to help me
when shit happened to me. i remember the favours im given.
babe, we have long journey to walk on, i'll see you, dont ever stop walking on with me
I LOVE YOU AUDREY LEE SHU TING

what esle comes along..
clarifying things..
some things that are always on my mind..
some things that simply..make me feel so empty

on 24th dec 2 important things happened..

the first..
someone's touching down.. i don't think it matters..much. anymore

the second..
someone asked me a question..
one that was really hard to answer..
it was a question that i had to think before i gave a reply.
the answer could come with a commitment, it could not.

to you;
i couldnt gave you an answer. i asked for time. till 31st
im really grateful that someone actually treats me so seriously.
i've never seen someone so enthusiastic about doing something for me
its true..
you told your parents .. your friends..
i never witnessed something like this..
never witnessed someone literally turning me into your topic of the day of your life.
for my christmas gift my present, i heard how hard you did it,how drey helped you, how they helped.
intially..before christmas when you told me how you felt
i wondered why would you
you told me
but now im telling you its normal.
im not the only one who can do it.
its not worthy
cause someone esle can do the same
its just that you havent found her
its not worth it cause i have never been available for another rs
i never thought that i was ready never thought that anyone would ask me for it
but somehow it did

shit. i never wanted to say this. i hurt someone again. i told you, im not good.

i tried to forget her. i tried to move on. i told myself that its over.but yet a part of me didnt wna let go. didnt want me to forget cause it told me it was too sweet.

i couldnt.

when you asked me.. i already knew i couldnt make it..

there was once.. my manager asked
why dont you give your friends a chance.. try it out and then decide?
i was pretty shocked and confused at his question
then i asked arent you supposed to love the person first then.. and not try it out..then decide?
i was thinking about the difference it made..
if i tried it out or not.. i cant really see much point in it..

drey told me to consider..
but how.
i dont know how to start loving a person..
shower the person with care and concern?.. will love sparks grow then?

i thought back bout her..
i didnt know how i went in so deep
when intially i didnt know whats love
then after that i knew
but i didnt know how it happened
cause it just brought me in
i couldnt describe how i felt when im in it.
even though it immersed me in it without my consent
i didnt feel a need to struggle
i didnt feel a need to resist
i let it roam
it became such a fantasy
i felt that there was nothing i wouldnt give up for it.
i did want to. but life didnt allow me to.
i dont know how to repeat the steps
i dont know how to feel this way facing another person
i aint the same
the feeling aint the same
i dont know how to love another

not only because i have the space in my heart filled with her
and it's that i dont know how to let another in
even with someone who cares for me to the smallest detail
i cant bring myself to do it
i dont wna appear to be able to on the surface. i dont wna lie

i know im being too straightforward but somethings should be said clearly
till now..i love her and only her there is no space..
even though i know we are impossible
she's my first love..
her impact on me..is more than anyth i can imagine that can actually influence me that much
you took 2 years..
i dont know how long i need
but even your friend, someone who didnt know me for long
thought that i still need alot of time
but i cant force my heart to drop it.
towards you .. you're my good friend.. brother..
i hope you understand..
its not that you dont have the ability.. its not that you lost
you're faithful, caring and considerate..
you're an ideal boyfriend
its all about me..
im gna need alot more time
i dont know how long..
but its very long..
i shouldnt give you anymore false hope.

there are many more out there.
many more that are even better..
please dont wait.
i wont be selfish to ask you to.

the best of luck.

hapy new year.

PUAR SI YING

Siloso